I am a “food flirt” and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I find it a highly effective tool for obtaining delectable delicacies, and YOU TOO can achieve the instant gratification of food when you so choose.
Here’s what you do:
1. Snuggle up to the human…females work best.
2. Start with a slight lick on the human nose.
3. After one minute, lick the nose more intensely.
4. If the human moves their face away from you, move it back toward you with your paw. Release slight claw pressure as necessary.
5. If the human hides their head under a pillow, don’t be afraid to burrow under there with them. I use double paw action to pull the pillow off as a last resort.
6. Continue to lick the human nose until they get up to feed you. I make sure to “accidentally” snag my tooth in the human nostril to seal the deal. Humans can’t stand it. While it’s slightly disgusting, it’s highly effective.
Persistence pays off. I now have the humans fully trained, and I rarely have to use all six steps. The humans actually differentiate between what they call "genuine lovin's" and "food lovin's."
Good luck to all and sorry for my absence!